I'm Scared

London is one of my most favorite cities in the world.  I've been 3 times, and loved it more and more with each visit.  During those times in the city I lived through 2 separate tube strikes.  I had my wallet stolen from my bag.  I rode in black cabs at night and chatted with strangers.  On one occasion, during my very first international trip, I found myself wandering the city completely alone just taking in the sights.

In not one of these instances was I afraid.  Even after I was pick-pocketed I was willing to admit it was my own fault for not securing my wallet properly.  I never felt that London was dangerous.  I was never worried for my own safety.  London has always felt more like me than any other city in the world, and therefore I felt safe in my little nest.

Until Saturday.

In a few week's time, I'm due to be in London for a trip I've been waiting months for.  And for the first time in my life I don't want to go.  I'd rather stay in the states.  After the Manchester attack, I was resolute.  I was not going to let terrorists scare me into submission. That's their ploy, and if we buy into it, we've already lost.  However, this weekend's attack on London Bridge and in Borough Market shook me. 

Logically I know that another attack so soon after this one is probably not going to occur.  I know that security will be heightened which will make the city safer.  I also know that I'm letting fear rule my life.  But that doesn't stop this attack from seeming all too real.  And honestly, I'm angry at myself for letting it get to me.  But it has.

In the end, knowing I have a friend that's counting on me, and my sheer panic at losing the money I've already invested into the trip will push me to go.  Yet, I know London won't feel the same this time.  I hope that once I arrive, this nagging fear will leave and the city will sparkle and shine for me like it always has.  But for now, the sheer weight of today's world situation is keeping London at bay...