Thank You, Chef

Illustration - Eater

Up until about 15 years ago, I was the pickiest eater to ever eat. I'd avoid things I'd never tasted because they looked like something I wouldn't like. I'd only eat about 3 things for lunch. And many meals included something I would just leave on the plate. For most of my childhood and adolescence, this is how I lived. I loved to eat, but I preferred the food that my Dad cooked because he followed my food rules. 

Now don't get me wrong - I wasn't eating peanut butter and jelly each day. My Dad is a fabulous cook. So I was eating homemade Spaghetti or Stuffed Porkchops, and other delicious meals for dinner most nights. But in restaurants I stuck to basics and only ate things I knew. 

Then I read A Cook's Tour and my food-loving world opened up. 

While it is his least favorite book, Anthony Bourdain's account of his travels around the world, eating all sorts of new and interesting meals made me realize just how ridiculous I was being. Here he was eating the aortas of pigs and fruits that smelled like death (Thanks Tony for teaching me what Durian is!) and I couldn't even bring myself to try a brussel sprout. This book taught me more about the world's cuisine and the people that lived in it, than any other book I've ever read, and for that I'm eternally grateful to him. 

I took his account as a challenge.

I wanted to be like Bourdain. I didn't want to live in fear that I'd avoid an amazing food experience because I didn't like one of the ingredients.  Thanks in no small part to his adventurous spirit, I decided to live like him for a while. I created a rule for myself. Each time someone offered me a taste or a drink of something I would try it with an open mind. It's a rule I'm still trying to live today. Also, my friends exploit it mercilessly when it comes to alcohol - though, joke's on them, because I still don't like 95% of the ones they've made me taste. Though in regards to food I've fallen for Lobster, eggplant, zucchini, goat, non-fishy fishes, and a host of other delectable items that I would never have discovered a few years ago. I've also tried caviar which was awful, but you can't win them all.

After A Cook's Tour, I devoured his other books. While not my favorite, Kitchen Confidential taught me some very useful food rules, such as when not to order fish in a restaurant or to avoid lemons and hollandaise from most kitchens. It also introduced me to a host of chefs that he approved of; chefs he thought were doing the whole food thing "right". Reading Medium Raw and The Nasty Bits helped me to realize just how talented of a writer he was. He had a genuinely unique voice and I can't help but to be moved by the way he told stories. 

His death last week from suicide has shaken me. I can't get over the fact that his voice has been silenced. I've learned much of what I know about food and culture around the world from him. My Dad and I watched A Cook's Tour and Parts Unknown to see what he was eating and where he was going next. For all of his bravado, his interactions with the people he met were always sincere. Watching these programs, you felt like you were adventuring with a friend. 

That doesn't stop me from being angry at him as well. If you watched these programs, or any of the others he appeared on such as Top Chef or No Reservations, you know that one of his greatest friends and allies was Chef Eric Ripert. The two only seemed to have long, lanky and greying in common, yet their exploits were notorious. They both enjoyed the other's company and views, and  you could feel the friendship through the screen and the pages. I hate that Ripert was the one that found him after he died. It's a terrible burden to put on your closest friend. 

As someone who felt they knew him - based on reading all of his books and listening to pretty much every interview he's ever done - I'm also incredibly confused by his death. France was one of his favorite places. Eric Ripert was his closest friend. Working (traveling to other countries) was one of the great joys in his life. Why would he have chosen to end his life at that moment? I hate that he felt he had no other option.  I only wish he knew just how much his simple act of writing and sharing his stories meant to people. I wish he could have felt that love and affection. That's what hurts the most.